On February 7, shortly before our trip to Mexico, I had routine PET and CT scans to check on my neuroendocrine tumours (NETS). Diagnosed in September 2013, they are Enemy #1. NETS is a little known, slow growing cancer that’s usually considered incurable. Fortunately, in my case, treatment has been successful in shrinking the tumours and controlling the symptoms related to the hormones that they produce. For the most part, I feel 100% healthy and I’m able to lead a normal life.
Enemy #2 was a second completely unrelated cancer discovered in one of my salivary glands in March 2014. After seven hours of surgery and six weeks of radiation it was gone.
So what is Enemy #3?
Fear is not usually part of my vocabulary. I’ve placed my life in the hands of the creator of the universe and I trust Him completely. For the most part, I’ve held onto His promises to take care of me and I’ve experienced great peace, but there is an adversary who does his best to shake that confidence. He, or at least the anxiety that he instills, is Enemy #3.
Anxiety often begins as a little thing, but it feeds on itself. That’s what happened to me over the past couple of months and by this morning, when the phone finally rang to give me the results of last month’s scans, I was approaching a full-blown case of scanxiety.
When you have or have had cancer, it’s easy to start second guessing every ache or twinge and wondering if it’s related, if it’s a sign that something’s going wrong. That’s what happened this time. Back in January, I had a cold. It wasn’t even a particularly bad cold. It started in my sinuses, moved briefly into my ears and then settled in the lymph nodes in my neck. I knew that that’s a pretty normal scenario and that it can take awhile for the swelling and discomfort to dissipate, but I began to worry. When I’m stressed or anxious, I carry the tension in my jaw, neck and shoulders. I’m sure that that didn’t help. Add to that the fact that even almost three years after surgery, nerve damage to my face and neck is still gradually repairing itself. Sensations are constantly changing and feeling is returning where only numbness has been. I don’t even know what my neck is supposed to feel like anymore! Foolishly, I started wondering if maybe I was actually experiencing a recurrence of Enemy #2. Logically, I knew that that wasn’t the case, but Enemy #3 is insidious, sneaking doubts in where they don’t belong.
Then came Mexico. I relaxed, had a wonderful time and forgot all about my neck! On the way home, we spent a couple of days with grandchildren. The two year old, who attaches himself to me like velcro, had a nasty cold. Not surprisingly, I started to experience minor cold symptoms again and with them came a recurrence of the swelling in my neck. Enemy #3 started to poke and prod again.
Long story short, however, this morning’s phone call brought good news. Enemy #1 is still entirely stable. There’s been no growth or spread of my neuroendocrine tumours. Better yet, there’s absolutely no sign of Enemy #2; nothing unusual growing in my neck!
What a relief! Regardless of how weird my neck might feel, I can get on with living life. I will continue hanging on and not let Enemy #3 overcome me!